A picky eater with lots of allergies reviews The Lighthouse Restaurant Burger (or doesn’t)
The Non-Burger
Chicken Tenders and Onion Rings
This is Not a Burger
All I wanted was a burger. Eighty-eight percent of the time, burgers are safe for me. The rest of the time, the after effects are swift and nonconsequential. The Lighthouse Restaurant featured a Hamburger on its website and again on its laminated paper menu. So that’s what I ordered only to have the waitress tell me that they were out of hamburgers. Ugh!
I perused the menu with irritated eyes and settled on the Chicken Tender Basket with Onion Rings. Normally, I like chicken just fine. I like it just fine when it’s boneless, skinless, white, and overcooked just enough to justify dipping into apple sauce. The problem with chicken tenders at a restaurant is I never know what really exists in that crispy coating. Whenever I ask the waitress, the standard response is, “Well, you know, it’s a batter with spices.” And when I press, “What spices?” the response is either a shrug or “I’ll have to check with the kitchen.” But she never does. She writes down my order and doesn’t return until it’s served. So I say a silent prayer to the food gods that this meal will not cause me to have a new relationship with the hotel toilet.
This is Not Tender
When the tenders arrived in a blue basket lined with a sheet of black and white checked wax paper, they looked pretty tasty. I stabbed a tender with a fork (because food should never be touched with your hands unless that food is securely positioned between large pieces of bread – like a roll or a bun which is why hamburgers are perfect for me!) and touched it to my lips. Without knowing what type of spices have been used in the breading, I like to pretend I can determine if I’ll be sick later simply by osmosis. Inhaling deeply and squeezing my eyes shut, I bite into the scalding hot chicken, drop my fork into the basket, and start guzzling water (which is plain, no lemon because ick!). After my teeth, tongue, and throat have recovered from the scalding heat, I grab the fork and blow on the chicken until the steam clears. Another bite and I find the chicken dense. It reminds me of particle board. The coating is crispy and lightly salted which is perfect. I don’t detect any other spices, so I continue on eating all five tenders not because they’re good, but because I’m starving. I had also ordered onion rings, lightly battered and lightly salted. The batter was fantastic! The onion was rubbery and unbite-able, so I cut each ring open, pulled the onions out and enjoyed the unseasoned batter coating.
This is Not Enjoyable
I would have liked to report that I survived the meal because our hotel room only had one bathroom and my husband spent most of the night there, but unfortunately the sharp stabbing abdominal pain started about an hour after eating and Dan and I quickly learned how to share the bathroom – timing is crucial in situations like this.
This is Not
I know after reading this, you might be excited to try The Lighthouse Restaurant for yourself. Sad to say, they are no longer in business.
Check Back Soon For More Reviews
